Do you ever find yourself getting impatient with God? Perhaps the eyes of your heart roll when you’re Heavenly Father tells you to be patient? Perhaps you feel His prompting to do something, but it only feels like He is trying to distract you from what you asked for?
I had an experience today that let me see perhaps a little clearer, what He would see in the situation.
This morning I woke up. I got myself together and went out to drink my coffee. This is my routine. I love it.
But before I tell you how beautiful the latte was, let me give you some background.
A few weeks back, I had to make a decision regarding one of my daughters. You see, she lived expectantly that in the morning for breakfast, she could have some homemade buns with Nutella. It became something that she expected rather than the treat it originally was. She had become so entitled to it, that if I suggested a different option, she would boycott the meal.
So in my attempt to be wise as a father, I let the chocolate spread run out, and then did not replace it. For two weeks I had given her other options simply telling her that her beloved and entitled meal, was not an available option.
All right, back to my amazing latte.
As she came upstairs this morning, I was reading a book and sipping my latte. I knew, that I had secretly bought some new Nutella yesterday and was planning to unveil this weekend. I asked her what she wanted, hoping that she had changed her mind over the previous two weeks. But the same answer came up. She said it with hopeful eyes yet a quiver in her voice that suspected my harsh theft of her magical treat.
Knowing that I had purchased her freedom from this hard lesson, I simply asked her if she wanted some plain buns. This was my attempt for her to get some out of the freezer that I might surprise her. But she rolled her eyes at me and with a grumbled voice and a disappointed gaze, told me that she was not able to get them because she didn’t want them plain anyways.
A second time, I asked her to get the buns out of the freezer. I really wanted to see her reaction shift. But again she rolled her eyes and said she was unable to because she did not want them plain. It was clear that her gaze at me was becoming less content with my decision making ability.
A third time I asked her. Now, with distain both in her heart and her facial expression she blurted out my favourite words to receive from one of the women in my life. “Fine!” Then she walked off with a heavy stomp to obey out of legalistic priority in self-preservation rather than living in trust of her father.
This disappointed me. I wanted to give her something I had been planning. I felt like she had stolen my joy. This was not fair to me. But the lesson was for both of us that day.
She put the buns on the counter and asked me for a meal. As I was still reading and enjoying my latte, I asked her to give me two minutes to finish my paragraph. Already in a mood, she told me her frustration through a quick turn of her body and the stomp off in a different direction. Just another nail in the coffin of my joy being buried.
But I decided not to let her steal my plans even if my joy was diminished. I finished my paragraph and sipped my latte. Then I got up, took out the Nutella from the secret place I had placed it, and proceeded to prepare a few homemade buns with this magical elixir.
After I had done so, I hid the spread again and went to tell her to come for breakfast. But I wanted to make this a life lesson not just to help her learn of this entitlement. I told her my feelings. I told her three times she had pushed me and denied seeing my heart because of her expectation of her own needs being met.
I said it calmly and with hope that she would understand what had happened. She sort of did, and with some remorse, said she was sorry.
But I followed up, and I asked her if she was sorry that she hurt my feelings or if she was sorry that she didn’t get what she wanted. Her heart almost exploded. I mentioned to her, that it felt like she would rather have the things I can give her, than me.
Instantly she felt real and deep remorse and came to me and held me. She knew that my insight was accurate and she knew her heart was exposed. But I did not rebuke her, I embraced her deeply and explained her status with me.
I told her that she was forgiven 100%. That nothing can separate her from my love. I told her that I had something special in mind, but three times she had pushed me away. But I told her, that my love for her goes beyond my grief.
Then I invited her to the kitchen to see what I have prepared. While my joy was stollen, my faithfulness to her was not, and with the hug she gave me in her remorse, I experienced a different joy I had not planned on receiving this morning. The joy of repentance not simply relationship.
I don’t think I have to highlight all of the similarities in my story to many stories we see in the Bible. This was unreal. But I want you to experience what I felt today, so I wrote it down for you.
God has so many wonderful things in store for us that we have not earned. Our grumbling with Him and our own patience to see Him meet our immediate desires must wreak havoc on heaven. For He does not sit on His throne ruling the universe trying to avoid giving us more than we can imagine. But our reaction to Him can slow down the process.
Today, I simply ask that we all take a look at our hearts. Are we grumbling while God prepares the treats for us? Do we want what He gives us more than Him?
Today, long for intimacy with Jesus not simply an expression of His love.